you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
