I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
