i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
do herpes really smell.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
