Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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