i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
