What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
