I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
