i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
