Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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