I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
