Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
