Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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