Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
