So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
