I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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