My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
