Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
