Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
