My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
