I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
