Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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