Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
