let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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