Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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