idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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