I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Still dying that you shit outside
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here