Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting