So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Actions speak louder than pants.
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I still have a little drunk in my system
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.