I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
