Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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