Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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