She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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