I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize