During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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