i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize