I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
