I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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