i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
