and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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