so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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