I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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