You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
