I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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