Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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