Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
