My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
