I hate all girls vehemently.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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