I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
