i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
