I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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