im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
