PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
