also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
