you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
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note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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