If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
