Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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