If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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