We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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