but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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