i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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