Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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