Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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