I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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