You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
